The Daily Show Obtains Surveillance Footage Of Ben Carson At Popeyes - [image: The Daily Show Obtains Surveillance Footage Of Ben Carson At Popeyes] As we already discussed here, GOP presidential contender Ben Carson made an ...
Saturday, November 9, 2013
"Happy Veteran's Day!" By An Obese Man Eating A Corndog At A Mattress Sale
I felt guilty on the way over here. I'm spending the day checking out the sales and grazing sample food, and in a bunch of countries I know nothing about, there are American soldiers probably doing horrible things and getting shot. Am I really commemorating their sacrifice by getting my complimentary Sleep-Rite Profile?
But then this thought occurred to me: Why the hell not? Like I said, I am completely ignorant of their mission, and I certainly don't understand how it relates to my actual freedom. Maybe they just took out a terrorist who was about to level my local shopping mall. Then again, maybe they just murdered someone for no good reason. How should I know? US foreign policy is classified, redacted... a total black box. I can't support something if I don't know what it is. And how can you call this a free country when I don't have any control over what it's doing? Oh Christ, my esophagus is on fire.
I have to go lie down on that reinforced Double-King over there, so I'll make this simple: You guys can pretend you're defending my liberty with secret operations and drone strikes, but I get to pretend I'm supporting you with parades and fried food. Sure, we're both lying to each other, but we're going to keep at it until you or I get killed.
I'm not sure which it will be. I might get blown up tomorrow over some stupid thing you did and didn't tell me about. Also, right now I can't feel the left side of my face.
Anyway, I honor your service. God bless whatever.