Thursday, October 17, 2013

A Message To Republicans From Lord Humungus

There has been too much violence, too much pain. It is time for us to end it. You can not fight me and the other Democrats; We are too powerful. You will not get away. Look around you! Where can you go? How can you possibly escape?

But I come to you from the office of Harry Reid. I come with an honorable compromise. Bring us the one you call Ted Cruz. He has harmed my people, and I want his skull to bejewel and fill with the wine of victory.

Ted Cruz has betrayed you and led you into this terrible predicament! God has delivered him into my hand for his many transgressions. Ted Cruz has raised a force of extremists among your ranks, and they have broken your support in the polls with their wild ramblings. He and his kind have snatched the White House from you and many other prizes. Send him unto me that I may have his head, and then he will no longer trouble you.

You are crushed and beaten. You cower in your think tanks and your cloakrooms, but you can not hold out there forever. Fear is my ally. The fear of electing people who don't believe in evolution and take their social policy from the bad parts of the Bible. This fear will allow my dogs of war to sweep into every seat and every statehouse eventually. It is only a matter of time.

Give me the one you call Cruz! Give him to me, and I will give you safe passage through the wastelands. You can still flourish in gerrymandered parts of Georgia and Mississippi. You can still find a home in northern Florida. You will not perish there.

Bring me Ted Cruz, so that he may be decapitated, his skull ornamented, and you will live. I, the scourge of Harry Reid swear this.

Ted Cruz or death!

15 comments:

  1. (snicker)

    Yeah. Whatever.

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  2. I feel dumber after reading that...

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    Replies
    1. Just so everyone knows: The blog got linked on a couple of conservative sites, so we're going to see some Anonymous angry conservative types. Let's be nice. They're having a tough time of it.

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    2. they don't deserve niceness after what they just did to this country

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  3. And also on DU - AWESOME POST - Thank you for making it! I could not stop chuckling! ROFL!!!

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  4. Good grief!!! I was thinking about "the Humungus" all through the last 24 hours for no reason I could explain. Are we in psychic contact? Is there room for another dreck movie here?

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    Replies
    1. You're beaming instructions to me, and I'm just typing. Before I wrote this I wrote: "We have crushed Ted Cruz, seen him driven before us, and heard the lamentations of his women."

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    2. That is good!

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  5. You have outdone yourself ... I mean the GOP have kind of have been throwing you softballs for material but I literally have to clean up the keyboard at work from coffee I spit up. Well done, Sir!

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  6. In the end, who won? Was it Lord Humungus?

    You might want to re-think this.

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    Replies
    1. Classic! Sarcasm, interpreted literally, by a zealot. People, I give you the Tea Party, in a cup!

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    2. I know. I'm getting lots of these comments. If it means they want to get behind Ted Cruz as a presidential candidate and see how far that takes them, I think I'm onboard.

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    3. "But the Mel Gibson movie guy on tha innertubes said it would work!"

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  7. “… great cities of pipe and steel. Gone now, swept away. For reasons long forgotten two mighty warrior tribes went to war and touched off a blaze which engulfed them all. Without fuel they were nothing. They'd built a house of straw. The thundering machines sputtered and stopped. Their leaders talked and talked and talked, but nothing could stem the avalanche. Their world crumbled.”

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