Monday, December 10, 2012

"I'm Not Comfortable With The Surveillance And Consumerism" By An Elf

Don't you get the feeling this is wrong? That we've lost our way as a culture somehow? The season should be an opportunity to connect with your kids and teach them to really care about others instead of treating every relationship like it's a creepy transaction. And instead you say, "Look, it's Sprinkles. He's going to watch you for the next month. You'd better do what we say so someone can shove Far Cry 3 into your fat little hands and let you can spend the week after Christmas sitting in front of a screen pretending to murder people."

I don't know what's more disturbing: The fact that you're teaching your children to link greed with morality or the freaky comfort you all now have with an authority figure monitoring you.

You've put me on this shelf to be a dead-eyed symbol of all that's wrong with post-9/11 America. We're going to follow you now to make sure you've been good. And the best thing you can do to show you're good is to go to the mall or online, continue to buy things, and don't think about whether we can afford to live the way we do. Don't think about what that makes us. Just. Keep. Shopping. And raise your children to look at the world in the exact same way. Eventually you get something like me - an advertiser's gimmick to monetize the magic of Santa. To turn it into a must-buy item that encourages more must-buy items.

I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be part of this. I sit up here watching you collect things and gripe about each other, swapping plastic crap that you will break or lose by St. Patrick's Day.

Peace on earth, good will to men. That's supposed to mean something. That tool O'Reilly talks about the war on Christmas, but there's been a war on that little idea since the beginning. But you don't even think about that, do you?

I'm totally going to climb down from here and kill you in your sleep.

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