Thursday, May 24, 2012

"We Need To Attack Iran" By Henry, A Goldfish

Iran seems to be building some kind of nuclear device, and time is running out to stop them. We have to attack now, before they can complete a weapon. Sure we don't know all the details. But there are too many experts worried about this thing for them to just be flat-out wrong, you know? WHOA! Where the hell did that little plastic diver come from? Was that thing always here? It is awesome! Look, it's even got a little box of treasure sitting next to him. Priceless.

Anyway, our intelligence people pretty much know where the Iranians have their equipment squirreled away. These folks are trained professionals. They have satellite photos, signals intercepts, and human agents crawling all over that country. With their information, we're going to be able to conduct pinpoint strikes and cripple the nuclear program. There won't be blowback on this thing. Really. That's not even an issue. HOLY FUCK, wouldja look at that!? It's like, some kind of man... IN A DIVE SUIT! That is just the most interesting thing I've seen all day. It's great someone snuck in here and put it into my bowl. Really brightens the place up.

There is no way for an attack on Iran to go wrong. The citizens of that country want us to attack, really. They'll probably just topple their leaders and build some kind of democracy. Then, they can help us fight the terrorists in the region. Maybe they'll even let us build a base there and train their new army. That would be perfect. HI THERE, LITTLE DIVER DUDE! When did you get here? Whatcha got there, a pirate treasure? ARRGH, MATEY! Man, that is awesome. Just plopped down when I wasn't looking, didn't you? Where was I? Oh yeah...

Liberators. Mark my words. We'll be greeted as liberators.

(Photo by Luis Miguel Bugallo Sanchez used under Creative Commons license - information here. Goldfish idea inspired by an Ani DiFranco song.)

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