Thursday, June 16, 2011

Seriously, Get Me The Fuck Out Of This Thing

You know what loyalty is? Loyalty is getting the paper in the driveway even when it's pouring outside. It's being ready to confront an intruder and maybe take a bullet for the people who live with you. It's running through a stupid obstacle course faster than 23 other dogs, because you want to be the one who gets the honor of being strapped into a fucking tin can and shot into outer space.

But loyalty works both ways, okay? That means when you have someone who is actually crazy enough to be blasted off the earth in that goddamn beeping deathtrap for you, what you need to do is work really extra special hard to get her the fuck back to earth after a reasonable time. Do you send the crew home to get drunk and sleep late for the weekend? Great job, guys! We'll get 'er back later. Go have a blast! No, you do not. You know why? Because Laika doesn't get a weekend rest. Laika doesn't have a chance to chase the neighbor cat. Laika has to sit in her own urine and gnaw her front paws, because you alcoholic bastards couldn't be bothered to plan a retrieval mission. I hate your whole stupid country, and I hope this ridiculous government collapses.

Watch your fucking ankles in the parking garage; that's all I have to say. Because if I ever get back there will be some bitings.

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