Sunday, March 20, 2011

I'm Almost Certain I Cut The Red Wire


I know how important this is.

When you read out the transmission with the instructions on how to blow the airlock to prevent the invasion from coming through I tried really, really hard to remember everything exactly. I know we're all that stands between the earth and 2.3 million alien replipods, and if we don't do this correctly mankind is doomed.

That's why I'm definitely, positively almost certain we got it exactly right. We dialed in the destruct code, disabled the disarming program, and then cut the wires to the main system. Well, of course I did it in the right order. I did all the wires in the order you told me. The order you told me, Pete. Yes, brown, magenta, amber, amber, green, red. Well, I remember that you told me what order to do them, and I am sure I did just what you said. I wouldn't have made a mistake on something that important. I am sure. Absolutely almost sure.

How sure? Well... certain. Practically certain. Almost practically certain. That red wire was cut. I'm positive of that, and I remember you telling me the order, so I am pretty sure I cut them in the order you told me. I am...

Look, I am ninety-nine percent... Stop crying. Lucy, stop it. Guys, I am totally sure. Totally almost sure we're going to be fine. That airlock is going to blow any minute, and the planet will be saved from those otherwise unstoppable face-sucking monstrosities. I am... really, really sure. I mean, even if I didn't cut the red wire -- NOT THAT I DIDN'T, BECAUSE I DID -- the replipods wouldn't be able to stop the destruct code. They'd have to be like, insane geniuses, and...

Let's just watch the airlock blow from the observation deck. It should explode any second now. We had 15 minutes when we left, and... How long has it been? Well, your watch is probably off. Christ, Lucy would you stop it? You're going to see your mother again.

Let's just watch from the escape vessel. Tell you what, we'll dial in the Armageddon Protocol, and when those things don't get through to us, which they totally won't, we'll just cancel it later. No one has to know. It's not like they're really going to have to detonate the nukes on the east coast, because I am really positively almost certain.

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